Birthday

Being boring

By dicedicebaby - 23/03/2015 00:20 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 725

You deserved it 3 456

Besties

By Pinsky - 24/04/2022 18:00

Today, my wife told me she is no longer sexually attracted to me. She also can’t understand why I still don’t want to go on her 35th birthday trip to London. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 210

WhatsApp drama

By Anonymous - 08/02/2023 02:00

Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 116

About last night…

By missalexa - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 146

You deserved it 4 163

Almost done

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 04:59 - Canada

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 624

You deserved it 3 454

You forgetting something?

By Anonymous - 22/05/2022 20:00 - United States - North Miami Beach

Today, it was my birthday. My family usually gives me a financial gift, but didn't this time and said nothing about it. I cooked my own birthday dinner without help, then washed everyone's dishes. I got my own cake and ate it alone because they were too busy getting drunk. Nobody bothered to sing Happy Birthday either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 164

Seriously?

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 02:00

Today, my husband got home on my birthday and told me he went overboard and bought a real expensive gift for his favourite girl. He then turned round and gave the real expensive gift to the girl in question, his 3 year-old niece. It’s not even her birthday. I got fuck all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 116

You really shouldn't have!

By Anonymous - 10/04/2025 11:00 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, for my birthday this year, my girlfriend gave me Herpes (type 2) and this morning she decided to wake me up to tell me she wants to see other people. But she "still loves me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 84

Here, have this

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 898

You deserved it 4 925

Mix up

By Trew Love - 03/05/2016 06:25 - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, it's my birthday. I called my mom to thank her for the gift she'd sent. She was surprised and said, "Oh I thought you were waiting to open it." She ended the conversation with, "OK, I'll call you on your birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 181

You deserved it 1 376

By SquirrellyGirl - 15/07/2019 22:00

Today, my brother asked if I could babysit his kids tomorrow. I declined, as tomorrow is my birthday and I have plans. This isn't the first time he's forgotten my birthday, and I doubt it'll be the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 138

Be careful what you wish for

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Frisco

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 821

You deserved it 3 417

Come home

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 11:00

Today, my daughter is such a bitch that when her husband texted to say he’d be 30 minutes late after work, she rang him to yell at him. He got so upset, he decided not to come home at all and booked a hotel, which was awkward for everyone waiting to surprise him with a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 168

A date to remember

By Unlovedchild - 21/03/2011 15:03

Today, I found out why my parents forgot my birthday. Facebook didn't remind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 292

You deserved it 4 722

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 01:40 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 014

You deserved it 3 456

Thanks, I guess…

By ButYTho - 06/11/2022 01:00 - Spain

Today, a friend and I celebrated our birthdays together with our mutual friends. I bought them a game from their favourite series, commissioned a sketch, and chipped with others to get them various other presents. I got a mug and a hentai t-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 269

Dude, where's my car?

By not_so_sweet_sixteen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a three month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 724

You deserved it 56 294

Happy nothing, then

By amy - 30/06/2018 19:00

Today, it's my birthday. I went downstairs expecting birthday greetings from my parents. Instead, they just sat on the couch saying nothing. Thinking they forgot, I casually reminded them. My mom scoffed and said, "Go do the dishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 658

You deserved it 368

Pile on

By I miss bread - 14/12/2020 17:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 104

Thanks, I hate it

By Clara - 23/09/2023 22:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, for my birthday, I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a lovingly hand-decorated candle, and my first positive Covid test ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 121

Unhappy birthday

By gaah! - 09/07/2022 00:00

Today, it's my birthday. My spouse got into a fight, ending a relationship with a friend. They're laying around, unable to move due to panic attacks. I'm exhausted from being dragged unwillingly into things. The birthday messages feel like a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 152

By secondchild - 12/07/2019 14:00

Today, my parents spent more time, money, and effort on my boyfriend's birthday present than they ever have on any of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 192

You're welcome!

By birthdaygirl - 22/10/2024 09:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I called my mom to let her know I was coming home for my upcoming birthday, as I haven’t seen my parents in months. She then stated she hated my birthday because it reminded her she was getting older, and they may have preexisting plans that evening anyways. Really feeling the family love… FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 109

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry

By jenni - 06/04/2021 20:00

Today, my seven-year-old niece gave me a birthday card. Only she'd spelled my name as ‘Jenny.’ When I told her it was spelled with an i instead of a y, she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 1 146

Lonely birthday

By anon - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 665

You deserved it 13 536

Anyone for cake?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 676

You deserved it 7 912

No bother

By Geese Ahoy - 14/11/2016 17:00 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I was reading on a park bench not far from a grassy spot and a pond. A flock of geese landed on the grassy patch and began to eat some grass. I thought that I may be bothering the geese, but decided if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone as well. I was wrong. Geese are assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 267

You deserved it 1 091

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 258

You deserved it 3 410

Self serving

By PartTimePrincess - 10/09/2013 14:56 - United States

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to skydive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 235

You deserved it 4 165

Unmotivational speaker

By Shivvy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 871

You deserved it 3 277

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was told I will receive no Christmas or birthday presents for the next 3 years because my parents paid for my rhinoplasty. I needed it because my 12-year-old brother smashed my nose with a hammer in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 001

You deserved it 296

Today, a month after our breakup, my ex sent me a glorious butt pic. This was followed up with, "Wrong person, please delete that." I asked her for two years to send me sexy pictures, and she always refused, saying it was "too slutty" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 114

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 214

You deserved it 3 813

Today, I was craving some comfort food, so I grabbed a bag of nachos from the cupboard and sat down to binge-watch Netflix. As I opened the bag, the chips exploded everywhere, spilling all over the couch, and floor. I spent the next half hour picking up crumbs while my dog and cats happily ate the scraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 152

Today, my manager informed me that I will not be completing my job training because I'll be transferring to a different store, and if they want me to work there, that's their problem. Today, I also found out that the new store will not accept me as a transfer unless I've already been trained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 381

You deserved it 2 450

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 607

You deserved it 41 013