Alcohol

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 019

You deserved it 4 022

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 695

You deserved it 3 401

Own it!

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 08:02 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, my ultra-conservative aunt got rip-roaring drunk at a family barbecue and told everyone that I'm a "raging homosexual" with a lack a moral compass, all because I kissed a male friend at a high school party about 20 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 194

Sobering

By Imnotfromhere - 13/06/2021 16:01

Today, I went to a bar to celebrate my 26th birthday. I got ripped off by the bartender all night because she secretly gave me non-alcoholic versions of my drinks. Apparently I look like I'm 16, so she thought my ID was fake. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 203

They tried to make me go to rehab…

By anon - 30/06/2016 17:33 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 948

You deserved it 714

By julie24 - 30/05/2014 02:30 - France

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 194

You deserved it 46 133

Come together, right now

By Anonymous - 15/04/2023 13:00 - Canada - Stratford

Today, it's my birthday, and I had one to many and my best friend and my boyfriend had to take me home. We went back to my apartment and all squeezed together in my bed. During the night I got sick and spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. Later I found out that they'd fucked in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 430

By Anonymous - 15/08/2011 02:39 - Reserved

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 063

You deserved it 7 033

PANIC!

By big time traumatized - 02/11/2022 10:00

Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 182

No beer for you

By PerfectVision - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 430

You deserved it 3 299

So, you guys bangin' or what?

By kiwi2323 - 26/09/2012 01:48 - United States

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 487

You deserved it 3 378

Can't stop, won't stop

By Matt8 - 07/12/2012 01:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 466

You deserved it 2 121

Early bird booze special

By Anonymous - 22/12/2022 18:00

Today, I received an invitation to a Happy Hour happening tomorrow. It's at 6 a.m. How am I supposed to drink at 6 a.m.? FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 212

Priorities

By Earths_Venus - 19/11/2009 22:31 - Australia

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it - and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 807

You deserved it 35 757

This is fine

By Anonymous - 21/07/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was dealing with my nightmares quite efficiently by drinking right before I go to sleep, presto, no nightmares and no problems when I woke up. My girlfriend decided to make a whole issue of it by telling my parents, who planned an intervention and want me to waste time seeing a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 621

Basic night out

By Anonymous - 05/02/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I went out and got very drunk. I talked to a girl and some other people. As the girl left, someone told me to follow her as she didn't seem to know where she was going. As a drunk, socially inept idiot, I did so for about 20 seconds, only for someone to point me out to her and quickly guide her away. Then I lost like £700. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 652

Juicer

By alcomom - 01/07/2020 02:02

Today, I spent ages prepping, chopping, bagging and freezing lots of fruits and veggies for my mom. I also bought her a juicer and alkaline water to help combat some of her health issues. I walked into the kitchen to see her mixing her juice with vodka and rum instead of the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 281

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 779

You deserved it 3 762

By Blie - 04/09/2018 20:30

Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 4 245

Regular boozehound

By Matchtopia - 18/01/2012 00:21 - United States

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 273

You deserved it 30 252

Not going out

By not drunk - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 950

You deserved it 4 787

Oh no…

By probably_the_ex_now - 18/08/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy, and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 973

You deserved it 97 622

Heavy lifting

By Anonymous - 04/12/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised I may have a drinking problem when the recycling bin was due to go out and I physically couldn’t move the bin. I thought my kids might have put a rock in there but no, it was weighed down by the sheer weight of two weeks worth of wine bottles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 817

Ain't no way

By sigh... - 21/12/2024 03:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom offered to drive us into the city after Christmas. I told her months ago that I wasn't getting in a car she was driving, because I don't trust her not to secretly drink and drive. I guess she either forgot or didn't think I meant it. Now I have to tell her again, two days before flying down there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 95

I take the fifth

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 06:00

Today, my roommate, who is an alcoholic in denial, comes up to me and tells me she knows I told on her, and is angry at me. The facility we live at is for people in recovery. Her boyfriend is coming over to “confront me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 134

Tonight, on First Dates…

By singleloseragain - 15/12/2022 12:00

Today, I had my first date with a cute older guy. What started as a perfect night ended in tears when we ran into my mom at the drugstore while he was buying us beer and condoms. She gave him a verbal lashing of a lifetime and told him my real age, 17. I'd told him I was 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 4 338

The morning after the night before

By college student - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oxford

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 064

You deserved it 9 398

Boozehound

By KamiAzaaaaaa - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 215

You deserved it 1 632

On the sauce

By drinkdrankdrunk - 27/09/2013 07:33 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 288

You deserved it 17 935

Denial

By Andre - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 160

You deserved it 32 437

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The Top

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 250

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 076

You deserved it 1 491

Today, I was suffering from some gastric distress. While on my way to a job interview, I slipped on some concrete that was wet due to a recent slight rain shower. I didn't fall. I DID shit my pants though. I walked back home slowly in shame to clean up the mess. I didn't make it to the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 132

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 640

You deserved it 2 540

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 455

You deserved it 6 921

Today, my boyfriend accused me of not coming home at all last week. The truth is, I was up and gone to work before him every morning, and I was home after he went to bed. He didn’t even bother talking to me or asking where I was last week, we both work 24/7 on-call jobs, and he knows this happens sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 164