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By Enslaved - 20/02/2015 03:16 - United States - Homestead

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 321

You deserved it 2 710

Enslaved tells us more.

Enslaved 36

Friday 20 February 2015 14:29

OP here! First off, when I called the number, a man answered. When I told him I found a phone,(an iPhone5c for those that are curious) he told me to "**** off" and that I had the wrong number, then hung up on me. He called the phone back a few minutes later and I could hear him yelling to what I assumed was his wife/GF in the background. He was asking her if she went out shopping? and how dare she spend his money, plus lose her phone! I did give the phone to the manager of the department store and told the man to pick it up there tomorrow if he wants it, since the store was already closed for the night. My heart is just uneasy because I know that my call caused what seems to be an argument between the lady that owns the phone and an irate man. I could tell he was very controlling and she was very afraid of him.

Regressive

By Anonymous - 19/11/2012 05:19 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, at the age of 29, I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I lost our home, and are now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got dropped off at home, before 10, after having sex in a hay field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 165

You deserved it 5 080

Truth hurts

By markerThief - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Apple Valley

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 836

You deserved it 11 393

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 595

You deserved it 3 454

Merry Xmas

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Jeromesville

Today, a friend had invited me to Christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there, she told me that her and her husband had forgotten they had another dinner to go to, and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 749

You deserved it 2 970

Obsessed

By farmvillefail - 09/01/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with Farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending texts, emails, or calling, but by placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 953

You deserved it 4 383

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 112

You deserved it 5 909

By Anonymous - 01/08/2014 18:27 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 181

You deserved it 4 909

By severedface - 22/05/2011 05:35 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 393

You deserved it 5 382

By embarassinggg - 06/02/2013 18:57 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to, "Stop sticking your butt out!" My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 583

You deserved it 2 484

Hush

By sXeQueen - 13/03/2010 15:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was having a really bad day, so I decided to call him and try to calm him down. At one point, I thought it would be sweet to sing him a song since he claimed to love my voice. Before I could get half way through, he told me to shut up because I was getting on his nerves and just making things worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 304

You deserved it 31 088

By oh gee - 02/05/2016 05:01

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 499

You deserved it 5 313

By katgib13 - 10/03/2015 22:38 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 385

You deserved it 2 326

The gush

By mwja - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 839

You deserved it 4 012

Ewwwwwww

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 396

You deserved it 4 975

By fezhafeez - 23/02/2016 19:26 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the girl I like asked me to take over her shift at the place we both work at. Being nice, I readily took over. Later, I found out she went on a date with my best friend. He knows I like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 665

You deserved it 2 302

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 17:30 - United States

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 701

You deserved it 50 497

By snowbell18 - 25/09/2012 07:08 - United States

Today, I had to pay my manager $10 just to take my stalker's order so I didn't have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 974

You deserved it 2 402

By NotThePotty - 19/10/2015 10:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 534

You deserved it 3 015

Keep cool

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 533

You deserved it 10 165

Bored senseless

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 16:55 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 331

You deserved it 2 994

Awks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 04:56 - Australia

Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 686

You deserved it 10 076

By sheisselluv - 11/05/2014 20:30 - Germany - Gera

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 375

You deserved it 4 209

By no - 20/03/2014 22:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 855

You deserved it 5 472

By curly_eyelashes - 24/02/2013 14:30 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 828

You deserved it 14 472

By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 23:05 - Canada

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 643

You deserved it 4 978

The proposal

By Still No Ring - 15/06/2016 21:49 - United States - Lisbon

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house with his family. A kitten walked over to me with an engagement ring tied to its collar, along with a note that said "Marry Me?" I got super excited, only to find out that it was for his brother's girlfriend of 10 months, not me. We've been together 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 491

You deserved it 1 533

By mrningbrd - 07/04/2015 12:38 - United States

Today, I woke up to it raining. My area really needs it, so it's great. I didn't expect to wake up to a hole in the roof though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 000

You deserved it 2 436

mrningbrd tells us more.

mrningbrd 19

Tuesday 7 April 2015 20:05

Hello im op. I live in california, so its nice to have rain. It rained so hard last night that there's a steady dribble of rain dripping on my bed. We're short on money right now though, so it'll be a while until it can be fixed

By pear8head - 08/08/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 354

You deserved it 5 918