The Top

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Call the cops

By sacrophage - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I discovered that my abusive, obsessive, psychotic ex-boyfriend from over two years ago still has a thing for me. How did I find out? Although I've ignored him walking unnecessarily past my house for the past two months, it was hard to ignore when he fell from a tree outside my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 178

You deserved it 2 952

Relationship goals

By failhusband - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "Nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 201

You deserved it 73 199

Trippin'

By tammyg - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 780

You deserved it 6 388

Stinky boi

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed a disgusting odor that seemed to be radiating off my brother. When I asked him about it, he replied, "I think it's ball sweat. I haven't had a shower in a few weeks, so it's hard to tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 692

You deserved it 4 202

The bird

By xacked - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking past there and the bird attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 493

You deserved it 62 053

My gift is my song and this one's for you

By sadsongstress - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity, I sent him a song I'd written for him, about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him, claiming he had written it. They're now back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 577

You deserved it 23 106

Inspirational

By justlittleoldme - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed, "I love you." After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back, and said, "What kind of gun was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 149

You deserved it 7 390

Honest mistake

By Luke - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Liverpool

Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 815

You deserved it 30 363

Donut pass Go

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 511

You deserved it 29 527

Cheered up

By oldskoolgrl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was denied acceptance to the University of Georgia. I was down all day so I decided to go to a party my friend was throwing. Thinking it would cheer me up, as soon as I arrive, all I see is colleges on shirts, hats, and sweatshirts, most being UGA. It was a college acceptance party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 395

You deserved it 7 930

Nice try, bozo

By dreefsa - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 005

You deserved it 2 370

Unfair

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple of blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 921

You deserved it 2 784

Dumbass

By litup - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 034

You deserved it 6 662

Abandoned

By Sickinbed - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I saw that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 419

You deserved it 3 723

Pay your respects

By whymyliferose - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 516

You deserved it 4 599

Stress test

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I got so nervous that I actually peed my pants during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 860

You deserved it 13 510

Ya winning, son?

By What the fuck, son? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Amerongen

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 678

You deserved it 7 921

Torture

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, at my job at the mall, our music malfunctioned and now will only play the same three songs over and over again. Our manager won't let us turn it off because "the customers won't notice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 739

You deserved it 1 781

Slice and dice

By figgy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 557

You deserved it 6 150

MOM!

By Yeppets - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 452

You deserved it 4 915

Breaking news

By helenablitz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 463

You deserved it 5 183

The trap

By fuckendog - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia - Virginia

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 291

You deserved it 56 249

Dazed and confused

By AnastasiyaNicholas - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 117

You deserved it 2 093

Surprise!

By WitchQueenLiz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 211

You deserved it 3 240

Roofing hell!

By roofer - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 979

You deserved it 2 648

Hey big spender

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 126

You deserved it 4 366

Tipping point

By BagBoy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 190

You deserved it 3 095

Priorities

By Goldo - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 468

You deserved it 4 357

Sleeping beauty

By angryinlaws - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, after almost two days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 550

You deserved it 12 214

Panic!

By notanightowlanymore - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Clyde

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 509

You deserved it 2 153

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Gross Poopoo peepee Kids Death Miscellaneous Mother in law My ex I need your advice Money AITA Love Break-ups Embarrassing Food Family Teachers School Relatable Clumsy Health Healthy Lifestyle Cats Neighbours Animals Cute Confused Transportation Music Concert Annoying

The Top

Today, I missed multiple calls from the company I applied to. That was the supervisor calling, wanting to hire me. I then remembered my idiotic voicemail I made months ago where I pretended to answer and say stupid stuff for 5 minutes. I don't think I'm going to get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 018

You deserved it 55 280

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 2 681

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 869

You deserved it 23 206

Today, I'm a medicine student, it's my sixth year, and I have spent the whole day in surgery. No one dared tell me that what I was wearing on my feet was actually supposed to be put over my hair. Which was embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 584

You deserved it 8 030

Today, my ex messaged me out of the blue saying she found my fiancée's Tinder profile. I told her there was no way it was true. It actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 196

You deserved it 259

Today, my mom and I were running late for school, and she got pretty stuck in the snow so she asked me to dig her out. Then she ran over my foot. As I got into the car and blamed her for what she'd done, she shouted at me that she couldn't care less, and that we had to hurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 63