Random Spicy

By ohn0es - 23/01/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 355

You deserved it 5 253

By Doesn't Matter Had Sex - 09/09/2015 02:37 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 478

You deserved it 4 519

Family affair

By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own, and where I work. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 921

You deserved it 10 509

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 707

You deserved it 4 846

Hey there!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 631

You deserved it 86 948

Love comes quickly

By Anonymous - 20/07/2022 04:00

Today, my girlfriend dressed as Black Widow in a professionally-made skintight suit for our anniversary and even dyed her hair red. I was so turned on I did something I’ve never, ever done before: I orgasmed in my pants before she even touched me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 230

You deserved it 637

By May - 04/09/2011 04:08 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 836

You deserved it 6 269

By magomag - 14/05/2013 04:15 - United States - Fair Lawn

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 152

You deserved it 5 512

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 826

You deserved it 5 886

By DieTrying - 02/02/2012 09:31 - United States

Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 287

You deserved it 5 484

Classy

By bkay26 - 29/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 844

You deserved it 7 670

You've been Boeberted

By Anonymous - 17/03/2026 22:00

Today, I had to retrieve my son from the police station because him and his girlfriend decided a blowjob in the back row of the cinema was a good idea when they have night vision cameras in there and security guards and a very high definition picture printer for evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 97

Quite the catch

By Anonymous - 29/06/2020 05:05

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 283

You deserved it 352

Contempt

By Anonymous - 26/08/2014 21:46 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Tuzla

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 783

You deserved it 6 681

I'm coming !

By ally - 03/02/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 269

You deserved it 8 532

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 968

You deserved it 4 708

By left, I guess - 12/04/2015 17:00 - Canada - Antigonish

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 259

You deserved it 7 672

By NoSacredSpace - 19/05/2018 05:00

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 050

You deserved it 530

By Anonymous - 29/06/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 045

You deserved it 7 387

Intruder alert!

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 22:00

Today, in the middle of sex, a bee stung me on the vulva. Definitely not the kind of prick I was expecting to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 176

Fashionista

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 642

You deserved it 5 736

By Anonymous - 18/06/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of four years decided that the best way to break up with me was to move out of our apartment while I was at work, and then text me a video of himself having sex with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 335

You deserved it 353

Handled

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss who, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 742

You deserved it 2 472

Right in the pecker

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 23:01

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 495

Rubbers

By Anonymous - 26/09/2025 12:00

Today, I’m bisexual and recently started dating my girlfriend who’s a lesbian. I made a complete fool of myself when we were about to have sex because out of habit I asked if she had any condoms. Sex makes me dumb I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 317

Fooling around

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I thought it was a great idea to go off into a park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park. Meanwhile, a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 569

You deserved it 74 414

By peaaaak - 03/06/2011 10:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 253

You deserved it 5 057

The book of revelations

By MiraR - 06/10/2022 18:30

Today, I lost my diary. The diary in which I write all my appointments/chores/grocery lists, etc. It includes "Wash last week's underwear", "Batteries for vibrator" and "Diarrhea meds". I'm 99% sure I lost it in one of my classes. I'm dreading going to college tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 431

To each their own

By engagedtoafreak - 23/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I took off my socks after I got home from the gym. Later, I found my fiance sniffing them, with an enormous boner in his pants. Ew. Ewwww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 190

**** addiction

By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 20:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I was recording a video on Snapchat to send to one of my friends, while unaware that my father had walked in behind me. I was talking about how I can’t watch porn anymore because my phone is broken. He now knows too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 1 424

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 593

You deserved it 2 788

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 179

You deserved it 5 005

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 204

You deserved it 4 683

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 935

You deserved it 1 232

Today, it's been a few weeks since I had my first sexual experience in 6 years following my divorce. It was with a woman I’ve known for years. We get on amazingly, more than me and my ex ever did. She’s sweet, sexy, funny, amazing in bed, and even likes Xbox. Unfortunately she also gave me Scabies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 201

Today, my boss called me to say that I'm fired because I was "deliberately ignoring" the messages from a head of another department who wanted to contact me regarding some "urgent" (not really) project. I was on "Do not disturb" because it's my vacation, and this SOB is not even my boss anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 101