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By chickenlover - 27/08/2009 20:53 - United States

Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 772

You deserved it 54 770

By Sue - 26/03/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 121

You deserved it 3 538

By girlie5445 - 13/02/2010 08:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 858

You deserved it 3 746

Time out

By Starfucks - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 903

You deserved it 4 549

By julesmommy - 08/09/2011 05:36 - United States

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 003

You deserved it 3 245

Live Laugh Love

By ihatewalmart - 29/06/2012 23:12 - United States

Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 077

You deserved it 3 217

I can feel it coming in the air tonight

By cargaljen - 07/08/2011 05:29 - United States

Today, while watching TV at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark, nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realized she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 253

You deserved it 5 061

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 450

You deserved it 15 311

By MollyMoodle7 - 22/06/2011 07:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend bought me Kings of Leon tickets for my birthday. Since he thought I was irresponsible, he gave the tickets to his mum so I wouldn't lose them. The show is today, and we can't find the tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 022

You deserved it 4 207

By day001313 - 07/04/2012 04:32 - United States - Albany

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 937

You deserved it 3 364

By Anonymous - 27/02/2013 17:36 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 277

You deserved it 6 585

By Anonymous - 08/02/2013 15:36 - United States

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 328

You deserved it 2 675

By ronz - 08/02/2012 13:26

Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 782

You deserved it 44 790

By fedupson - 09/04/2015 14:03 - United States - Milpitas

Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 142

You deserved it 2 665

Congratulations

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, while talking on the phone with my long-distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected, he told me, "Well, you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 641

You deserved it 5 926

By merpaderp14 - 09/09/2013 06:15 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 167

You deserved it 5 982

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 15:23 - United States

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 764

You deserved it 37 745

Ice-breaker

By bye loser - 20/10/2014 09:28 - Canada - Abbotsford

Spicy

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 777

You deserved it 3 975

So romantic

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 16:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave, "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 224

You deserved it 4 397

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 21:40 - Denmark

Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 208

You deserved it 4 620

You never know

By lolwut - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Albany

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be OK if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 983

You deserved it 18 735

Awkward

By Oh Cock - 10/10/2015 15:15 - United Kingdom - Watford

Spicy

Today, I realised just how much my favourite pornstar looks like my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 194

You deserved it 7 987

By pianonerd - 15/09/2009 06:16 - Canada

Today, my piano teacher told me that she "forgot" to inform me that she volunteered me to play a 5-page song in a recital in front of 300 people that's happening next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 952

You deserved it 3 359

By Damn_her - 05/03/2009 00:04 - Canada

Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 379

You deserved it 8 787

Congrats…

By singleagain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 850

You deserved it 3 589

By maxhhh - 16/11/2013 06:19 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, while feeling sick, I decided to go to a furniture store to sit down for a few minutes. I'm now the proud owner of an expensive, vomit-stained recliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 836

You deserved it 45 806

maxhhh tells us more.

maxhhh 18

Sunday 17 November 2013 0:58

OP here, just a bit of background to the story: I've had a sore throat for a few days, and I'm actually in the market for a recliner so I thought, "I'm not gonna let a sore throat hold me back from getting out!" As I was sitting down and feeling the chairs, I felt an overwhelming dizziness and nausea, and before I knew it, I puked all over myself and the seat of the recliner. Turns out I have a stomach bug now. FML x2... I am getting it cleaned though, so it should be good as new! I enjoyed the comments; Thanks a lot guys!!! :)

No good deed…

By williebees - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 944

You deserved it 2 532

By lovinglife - 24/12/2011 12:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrapped my boyfriend's Christmas presents for him, because he was too lazy to do it himself. This included my own present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 6 353

By - 21/10/2013 16:57 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 670

You deserved it 4 625

Keep it up

By need2eat - 15/06/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 905

You deserved it 5 601

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The Top

The Top

Today, my electricity supplier cut my power off. Literally. They cut the cable that supplies my apartment in electricity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 62

Today, it's raining at my work. Not outside, inside, because our building's boiler broke and all the pipes are dripping with condensation. I have to sit at my desk under an umbrella to protect my laptop and desk phone. The HVAC company said, "Don't worry, this is normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 322

You deserved it 2 173

Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 720

You deserved it 1 030

Today, I got up at 2:30 a.m. to catch an early flight home. I was tired and drowsy and took a quick shower to wake me up. Two minutes in, the water turned scalding hot on all settings. I ended up having to rinse my hair with bottles of sparkling water from the hotel minibar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 270

You deserved it 382

Today, I told my dad I’m applying for a big pageant and I’ll find out tomorrow if I’m chosen to compete. I told him that there's a registration fee and a sponsorship fee. I then said that I might not be picked, but he assured me that I would… because they want the money from the fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 299

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 098

You deserved it 2 219