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Asshats

By anon - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And I was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 579

You deserved it 4 985

Bad start to the day

By Concussed - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 059

You deserved it 6 140

Whaaaaat?

By erphy21 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year-old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 426

You deserved it 6 429

Yummy

By Massasam - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 827

You deserved it 42 469

Oh, totally

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 633

You deserved it 4 557

Demon child

By thatoneguy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a five year-old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 767

You deserved it 3 528

Not in the mood

By prettybich - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 397

You deserved it 36 702

Public freakout

By kingpin9219 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 260

You deserved it 52 816

Not now, honey

By rhya4n - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Herlev

Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 323

You deserved it 3 451

Rotation

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 729

You deserved it 17 617

Oh well…

By DL06 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 878

You deserved it 12 644

The horror!

By duped - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 491

You deserved it 49 769

Tricked

By drug testing - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Little Chute

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 405

You deserved it 15 543

Song sung blue

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 974

You deserved it 3 725

Be warned

By JCC - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 719

You deserved it 13 154

Peaceful

By kirrby - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 242

You deserved it 4 630

Thieves like us

By Broeman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her unemployed stoner boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 312

You deserved it 4 413

No good deed…

By John - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 986

You deserved it 3 310

Merry Xmas

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Jeromesville

Today, a friend had invited me to Christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there, she told me that her and her husband had forgotten they had another dinner to go to, and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 234

You deserved it 2 910

Oi! Get back here!

By magicman - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 881

You deserved it 17 716

What? WHAT?

By Shannon - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two month-old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww, your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 032

You deserved it 5 380

Unbelievable

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 300

You deserved it 79 058

Pranks gone awry

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, whilst I was in a corner deli getting snacks, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to drive the car 50 metres down the street so that I would be confused when I came out... She was picked up by a cop driving without her license and now my car is impounded for 28 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 577

You deserved it 3 450

I just can't hide it

By doomeddaddy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 485

You deserved it 3 308

Freaky

By death bed - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 733

You deserved it 2 556

My personal Gettysburg

By Earthboundb - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I just got back from a Civil War Reenactment in Virginia, my first big event in years. I spent over $200 on gas and food, and had to drive for over 10 hours both ways from Massachusetts. When I finally got there I realized I had left my uniform at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 363

You deserved it 61 900

Smells like strip spirit

By m…… - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one, he responded with, "That's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 123

You deserved it 4 311

Both of you are bad

By driver26 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was arguing in the car with my boyfriend about who was the better driver. Being so incensed by the fact that he thought he was better made me completely zone out, and run a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 402

You deserved it 41 729

Awkward

By ChickenBallsPlease - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 796

You deserved it 16 888

Confused

By StUbbY - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonald's drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I pulled out of the line, only to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 885

You deserved it 59 723

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 362

You deserved it 54 833

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 934

You deserved it 12 959

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 512

You deserved it 13 262

Today, I realized after seeing my ex in his new relationship that he does everything for her that I always wanted him to do for me. Sucks not being worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 191

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 136

Today, it was my last day at my current job after a year and a half and the end of my contract. I brought snacks and a gift for the office. Nobody even bothered to come say goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 107