Random Spicy

Don't let me be misunderstood

By Vanessaaaa - 27/06/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my husband is leaving me because he did a paternity test on our 4 year-old daughter and found out she’s not his. The night of my bachelorette party I drunkenly hooked up with two men so I don’t know who the father is. He doesn’t understand that I was drunk and that family isn’t about blood, it’s about love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 2 546

By fatnick - 07/10/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 101

You deserved it 3 315

Manosphere dumbass

By dadoftheyear - 07/05/2015 03:27 - United States

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 194

You deserved it 5 744

You coming?

By snotface - 23/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 842

You deserved it 8 874

By CantPublish - 12/04/2012 17:54 - United States - Modesto

Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 128

You deserved it 21 928

Anarchy in the UK

By Anonymous - 23/08/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a lack of porn is ruining my life. My boyfriend refuses to verify his age for some reason, so now every time he’s horny he pesters me instead of sneaking off to the bathroom. I enjoy sex and porn too, but not three times a day. I’ve got other shit to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 290

To catch a predator

By not to blame - 07/09/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend’s family, whom I’ve known since I was in elementary school, now completely hate and blame me for "ruining their precious baby boy’s life." I'd called the police and reported him after finding out he cheated on me with not one, but several high school girls. We’re in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 362

You deserved it 262

Hammertime

By lynn_27 - 02/05/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to tell me he couldn't take it anymore because my legs were too hairy. I shaved yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 331

Never check the history

By mszoe - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 936

You deserved it 3 734

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 007

You deserved it 5 620

Routine

By RIP - 24/06/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, two years after marrying my fun, adventurous fiancée, she's turned into a whiny, nagging bore. Date nights are now "eat leftovers and watch reality TV nights" and sex is once a month, with her asking, "Are you about to finish? Are you almost done?" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 167

Dick inspector

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm a significant grower not a shower, so when not erect to 7 inches my penis really does resemble a cocktail sausage. So far my girlfriend hadn’t seen it soft but today she whipped my boxers down while I was asleep. The phrase, "Oh my god! What happened to it?" is now forever etched in my brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 144

Classic

By Anonymous - 24/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend invited me over because her husband was going to work. That bastard picked the PERFECT day to have the stomach flu and call out of work to come back home. I had to hide in the closet naked with blue balls for three hours until he fell asleep so I could sneak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 2 109

Oddball

By WTF - 01/06/2013 04:03 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that the girl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below because my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 108

You deserved it 24 589

What a feeling!

By numbcrumb - 18/09/2017 23:15

Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 977

You deserved it 311

Not a player

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 14:00

Today, and forever, I've never had a woman try to hit on me, so when my barista asked if I’d like to come to her place after her shift, I didn’t immediately realise she meant sex, so I actually stupidly said, “What for?” She got embarrassed and people glared at me like I was scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 546

Shifty

By Anonymous - 16/08/2025 20:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, after six months of online flirting, we finally met. Three coffee dates turned into getting some in the back seat. Long story short, the coffee shop owner showed his boyfriend the videos of us hooking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 398

Bad advice

By Kate - 07/06/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 680

You deserved it 44 260

By FYLyfer - 26/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 051

You deserved it 5 620

Lingo

By Ethan - 09/03/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I'd got her. She replied, "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 187

You deserved it 95 471

No means no

By thanks for the support - 25/05/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, my husband has been trying to get me to do something sexual that I’m absolutely 100% against. It’s gotten to the point where we fight and argue about it. I was talking to my sister when my mom overheard. She looked me in the eye and said, “What you won’t do, another woman will.” Thanks, ma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 630

Not feeling it

By BuyersRemorse - 01/10/2025 20:00

Today, I bought a dragon dildo after many years of curiosity and recently, one too many glasses of wine. As I lined it up next to my forearm, the reality that it would go INTO me set in. I can't return it as it is not the seller's fault. I'm throwing it away tomorrow before someone I know finds it. Curiosity killed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 363

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 232

You deserved it 5 257

Onan would be proud

By concernedcousin - 05/10/2019 12:00

Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 035

You deserved it 196

Sexy talk

By hamburger - 06/07/2013 21:21 - United States - Adrian

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 342

You deserved it 8 511

By talktothefacecausethehandswanking - 22/06/2013 18:54 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 555

You deserved it 5 321

By Somessedup - 09/09/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 151

You deserved it 4 631

By oldsoulyoungbody - 30/01/2012 15:07 - United States

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 343

You deserved it 4 199

By Anonymous - 22/08/2011 19:35 - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 638

You deserved it 46 812

Think before you drink

By Anonymous - 14/12/2022 00:00

Today, after I had drunk sex with my lesbian best friend a few months ago, she’s now pregnant and isn’t my friend anymore, because I apparently ruined her life, as her girlfriend dumped her, she’s already getting fat, and it’s too late to abort it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 1 832

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 115

You deserved it 7 108

Today, I was doing a Power Point presentation to the management committee. Outlook Express was still open, and right in the middle of the presentation, a window popped up notifying me of a new message. "Subject: our reply to your application for the post of Marketing Manager." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 387

You deserved it 8 398

Today, my best friend, who I hadn’t seen since last year, picked me up and we got to talking about our memories together. I brought up the time we both cheated on our girlfriends at a Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert. Little did I know his girlfriend was waiting in the back of the car to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 933

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 8 921

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 841

You deserved it 3 864

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 074

You deserved it 10 572