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Justiceleague25's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

By Rapunzel1974 / Sunday 1 September 2013 04:29 / United States - Gulfport

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

By SplishSplash - / Sunday 1 September 2013 01:21 / United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

By fartz - / Saturday 31 August 2013 06:04 / United States

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

By >_< - / Friday 30 August 2013 22:56 / United States - Richmond

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

By DefinitelyNotDogshit - / Wednesday 28 August 2013 04:06 / United States - Levittown