zoomster

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zoomster

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 September 1989 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 38205
  • Number of comments : 46
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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zoomster's page activity

Visits<b>InobodyI</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 11:41am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 7:32pm<b>panromantic</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 6:08pm<b>monsterblonde</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 12:57am<b>lifelikedat</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 3:56am<b>cmchappy</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 12:56pm<b>Aspen_Grace33</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 5:33pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 11:12am<b>oceanprokid</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 8:00am<b>Blakelasto</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 10:45am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 04/02/2014 at 11:54am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:37pm<b>JustSoLost</b> - the 12/03/2009 at 9:31pm<b>sunshine66</b> - the 11/26/2009 at 7:17pm<b>PositiveChillout</b> - the 10/09/2009 at 6:27pm<b>Spider</b> - the 09/17/2009 at 5:12am<b>_babyxdoll</b> - the 09/03/2009 at 8:53pm<b>altna</b> - the 08/22/2009 at 2:57pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 5:24pm

zoomster's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

zoomster's favorite FMLs

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

by RotoRooter / 04/17/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

by Michaelichael / 03/28/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

by coughandcold / 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

by bride / 03/26/2009 at 9:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

by biggmouth / 03/26/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2009 at 8:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

by JAY22 / 03/26/2009 at 7:41am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

by Alex / 03/26/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

by Lady_Luck / 03/25/2009 at 3:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

by tinytitty / 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy