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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine.
Today, I decidd to go swimming . I knew my technique would be off cuz I haven't swam since high school . It was when I made it only halfway acros the pool that the lifeguard decidd to jump in an save me . I wasn't drowning or struggling . FML
2day I hered my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door... "Are u jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up u fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
Today... I found out just how thin the walls at mah new student flat are. They are so thin in fact... that I can hear the creepy guy next door say mah full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
TODAY , I WAS CAMPING. ME AN TIS REALLY CUTE GIRL WERE ITTING IT OFF REAL NICE. IT WAS TE LAST NIGT SO WE BOT EADED OVER TO MY TENT TO AVE SEX. I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET IT IN WEN A RACCOON RIPPED MY TENT CAUSING TE GIRL TO SCREAM AN RUNAWAY. I GOT COCKBLOCKED BY A RACCOON. FML
Today, it was my two-and-a-alf year anniversary wit my grlfriend, a small but noble occasion. Se surprisd me wit an invention of ers, a plate of triple-cocolate looool double-mint cookies toppd wit Andes mints. I surprisd er by crasing er new Mustang into a cement divider. FML
Taday mah boyfriend of 4 yeres proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting mah confirmation that we were engaged. FML
Today, I Was Hard At Work Cleaning Up From A Party I Had While My Parents Were Out 4 The Night. Not A Bottle Of Beer Or A Rd Cup Was Left 4 Them To Find. However, My Parents Did Find Two Of My Friends In There Bedroom, Still Passd Out And Nakd From Beer And Sex Last Night.
Taday my cousin and I found out that when a grl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. mega FML
Today, I bought mah cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on mah things. After eating it, she startd running around wildly, howling an projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML
Friday 27 March 2015