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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was making out with mah boyfriend . I opened mah eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else . I turned mah head to see what was so interesting . He was on his iPhone looking up recipe 4 thing to wrap in bacon . FML
Today, I was riding te subway to work. Barely anyone was on cuz of ow early it was. Me and tis one guy in a trenc coat were in te same cart. looool His stop came. He walked by me, flased me, rubbed is penis on ma arm, and ten ran away really fast. mega FML
2day Mah Husband An I Were Having Sex In The Shower While Our 5-year Old Was Sleeping. Apparently , She Wasn't Sleeping An She Askd Me What Those Loud Noises Were. I Told Her I Was Singing. Now I Can't Get Her To Stop "singing" In The Shower. FML
TODAY, I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH MY BEST FRIEND WHO LIVES OUT OF TOWN . HE WAS STRANGELY QUIET . LATER THAT DAY I ASKD HIM WHY HE DIDN'T TALK MUCH . HE ADMITTD HE WAS JACKING OFF TO THE SOUND OF MY VOICE . FML
Today, I asked mah Swedish friend 4 some lines to impress this swedish grl I met at an expat party he took me to . I practised them all evening before I met her . I told her mah feelings, and she scowled . Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face . FML
Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp . He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in mah ear, "You know, your really sexy." FML
yesterday it was my 18th brthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, fir as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML
Today, I was enjoying some much needd serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To mah surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessd, gets up, gives me a nod an leaves. FML
Today, I rode mah bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal fir turning left. A car passing the opposite way veerd towards me and attemptd to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over mah body and mah bike is in two pieces. FML
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls . I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously . I hered one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing . She said "Oh mah god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from yur butt!" Apparently, mah ass is nicer than mah face . fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015