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zharris86

Offline (the 09/09/2014 at 12:29am) | Search for a member

zharris86

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  • Number of visits : 783
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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zharris86's page activity

Visits<b>silverstream20</b> - the 03/03/2013 at 9:56am

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zharris86's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21778) - you deserved it (48508)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56021) - you deserved it (5629)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

#21025169
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48265) - you deserved it (4470)

On 01/12/2014 at 12:26am - love - by spitball101 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

#21024822
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58028) - you deserved it (7894)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

#21022453
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57363) - you deserved it (6945)

On 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39495) - you deserved it (12377)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

#21021758
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46930) - you deserved it (4499)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by loganHchrist - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

#21022033
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26929) - you deserved it (35070)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

#21021456
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59530) - you deserved it (4351)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

#21020871
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49664) - you deserved it (3923)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Jae_Hellyun (man) - United States

Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML

#21020870
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34985) - you deserved it (31682)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41485) - you deserved it (3583)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

#21020358
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47898) - you deserved it (9104)

On 01/07/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by owl + bungee cord (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

#21019316
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49074) - you deserved it (17466)

On 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm - animals - by Z3R0G5 (man) - United States (Indiana)



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