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zharris86

Offline (the 05/21/2015 at 5:00am) | Search for a member

zharris86

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1902
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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zharris86's page activity

Visits<b>silverstream20</b> - the 03/03/2013 at 9:56am

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zharris86's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

#21011750
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52237) - you deserved it (6054)

On 12/31/2013 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by erjazo (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36041) - you deserved it (20583)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

#21011242
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42688) - you deserved it (6209)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

#21010276
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41946) - you deserved it (4010)

On 12/30/2013 at 8:07am - health - by laurenasabutton (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45274) - you deserved it (23561)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

#21009159
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50807) - you deserved it (26380)

On 12/29/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by Jizzyface (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

#21008990
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26007) - you deserved it (53603)

On 12/29/2013 at 2:01am - kids - by ConfusedDad - United States

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46165) - you deserved it (3650)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

#21008430
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42518) - you deserved it (9975)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

#21008014
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41437) - you deserved it (4714)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:42am - love - by rokkstarrrVRV (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

#21007608
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42845) - you deserved it (5531)

On 12/27/2013 at 8:37pm - animals - by eyes wide SHIT (woman) - Australia

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49219) - you deserved it (6481)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

#21007355
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47355) - you deserved it (5385)

On 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

#21006941
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56013) - you deserved it (3580)

On 12/27/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by anon - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, a woman started giving me grief because we didn't have any Boxing Day sales. As I explained to her that dollar stores don't usually have sales, she tried to lamp me. It ended by her getting dragged out of the store. FML

#21006865
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32939) - you deserved it (2395)

On 12/27/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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