Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

zenrael

Search for a member

zenrael

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 January 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 524
  • Number of comments : 182
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About zenrael : You will never get this gypsy!

zenrael's page activity

Visits<b>cherrio27</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 9:58pm<b>mallak_rabaa</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 12:06am<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 8:30am<b>Kyra1</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 10:57am<b>ndad79</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 9:45pm<b>Trinidad727</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 4:49pm<b>mystery1994</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 6:28pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 7:51pm<b>grogers311</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 7:59am<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 03/10/2014 at 1:27am<b>peanuty001</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 5:15pm<b>iammeorami</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 7:14pm<b>d2d2d2</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 3:39pm<b>lineman93</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 3:12pm<b>marulicko</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 8:35pm<b>JoshArson</b> - the 12/27/2013 at 3:06am<b>BoltTheSuperdog</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 3:27am<b>underscore23</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 11:25pm

zenrael's FML badges

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of zenrael's badges

zenrael's favorite FMLs

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

#20489402
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57411) - you deserved it (3475)

On 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by thoughtidseenitall (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

#20165510
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34130) - you deserved it (3483)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by thanks, fuckface (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

#20141378
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25918) - you deserved it (1828)

On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband was planning on getting me my favorite movie as an anniversary present; I ended up buying it. He had to give me the money and leave because he is severely arachnophobic and couldn't even pick up the box. I have to hide the movie for fear of it being destroyed. Again. FML

#20134119
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14641) - you deserved it (3658)

On 10/26/2012 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

#20133994
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7119) - you deserved it (29472)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

#20118123
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24215) - you deserved it (3188)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by anon - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

#20107518
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30818) - you deserved it (2112)

On 10/08/2012 at 2:36pm - love - by jack - United States (Illinois)

Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML

#20103950
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32591) - you deserved it (3603)

On 10/06/2012 at 6:04am - love - by Jex (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

#20090883
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27627) - you deserved it (1656)

On 09/27/2012 at 11:31am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

#20048187
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28122) - you deserved it (6775)

On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

#20007763
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (2104)

On 08/07/2012 at 1:59pm - love - by Blackfell - United States

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

#19986172
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23465) - you deserved it (3413)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by LOTRfail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: