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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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zach2519

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zach2519
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 19391
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About zach2519 : I was born a poor black child in a van down by the river....

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zach2519's favorite FMLs

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML

#3435644 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (45143) - you deserved it (1602)

On 07/02/2009 at 8:18pm - work - by alwaysxgettingxshitxon (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

#3407899 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (42339) - you deserved it (1405)

On 07/01/2009 at 8:58pm - love - by dwaggle (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

#2390335 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (8153) - you deserved it (39086)

On 05/28/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by pathetic (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

#1056557 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (73011) - you deserved it (2453)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by wellesleybanana (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

#1054666 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (55820) - you deserved it (6071)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by Daniel_rules (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

#1051780 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (57983) - you deserved it (11870)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

#809473 (135)

I agree, your life sucks (20251) - you deserved it (46759)

On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML

#792519 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (73796) - you deserved it (2382)

On 04/03/2009 at 11:10pm - health - by blehhh (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206 (480)

I agree, your life sucks (167975) - you deserved it (51065)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

#621353 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (52336) - you deserved it (23957)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by johnfrank (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

#618013 (863)

I agree, your life sucks (43451) - you deserved it (361054)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

#598491 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (61855) - you deserved it (3900)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by toast - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

#587218 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (69003) - you deserved it (7038)

On 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm - work - by mrWrong (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML

#498194 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (20351) - you deserved it (98752)

On 03/20/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

#487098 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (44011) - you deserved it (12191)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)