Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 20454
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About zach2519 : I was born a poor black child in a van down by the river....

zach2519's page activity

Visits<b>super_duck</b> - the 09/30/2016 at 12:34am<b>HeisenburgLabs</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 2:33pm<b>courtney6996</b> - the 08/06/2016 at 7:14pm<b>onlythename</b> - the 07/24/2016 at 12:26pm<b>ShockBlast8879</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 1:13am<b>paigexox0</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 10:26pm<b>billboob</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 9:05pm<b>jairolover</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 8:16pm<b>jow96</b> - the 05/05/2016 at 12:28pm<b>Shadow9876</b> - the 03/31/2016 at 8:58pm<b>Jpav1</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 10:46pm<b>Addiction333</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 1:41pm<b>dumbchoices72</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 2:17am<b>Immortal_Toaster</b> - the 02/28/2016 at 6:35am<b>ElTrumpo2K16</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 12:10am<b>mwali02</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 10:16am<b>heroqucas</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 6:35am<b>deadoftheshaun</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 10:20pm

zach2519's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

zach2519's favorite FMLs

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML

by alwaysxgettingxshitxon / 07/02/2009 at 8:18pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

by dwaggle / 07/01/2009 at 8:58pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

by pathetic / 05/28/2009 at 10:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

by wellesleybanana / 04/17/2009 at 2:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

by Daniel_rules / 04/17/2009 at 1:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2009 at 10:14am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

by Nikki / 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML

by blehhh / 04/03/2009 at 11:10pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

by johnfrank / 03/26/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

by toast / 03/25/2009 at 12:33pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Work

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

by mrWrong / 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2009 at 11:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I got the courage to ask my mom if I could go to the movies alone on my first date with my new boyfriend. She said ok, which was surprising because she never lets me go anywhere alone. When I got to the theatre with him I saw my mom. She had saved seats for us. FML

by shelteredchild / 03/19/2009 at 8:07pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous