About yuzuhere : Just a lurking panda here, carry on.
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yuzuhere's favorite FMLs
Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML
by poorbastard / 08/30/2014 at 4:35am / Canada (Quebec) / Transportation
Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
by wowzer / 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm / Puerto Rico / Love
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
by fanaticalfuckspawn / 08/25/2014 at 4:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was waiting in a line, texting on my phone. I hear what sounded like a sneeze and said, "Bless you" to the man in front of me. He gave me a dirty look as I began to smell something awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2014 at 10:49pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by cyzn / 07/14/2014 at 1:59pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
by guriak / 07/13/2014 at 9:16pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nit-wit candidates. FML
by jobless / 07/09/2014 at 1:02am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by HowAreYouAlive / 07/09/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML
by ADanceWithDavos / 07/07/2014 at 11:59am / United Kingdom / Animals
Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML
by x.x / 07/06/2014 at 1:09am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML
by Anonymous / 07/04/2014 at 6:02pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Kids
Today, I was reviewing documents at work, only to find one of my coworkers has been signing off on paperwork, claiming he's been walking one of the residents daily. Aside from being a double leg amputee, the patient died two weeks ago. The state review board comes this week. FML
by cakefete2 / 07/04/2014 at 1:29pm / United States (California) / Work
- Today, I popped the cherry on the sofa in my girlfriend's parent's house. It left a stain. The sofa… Today, my mother who knows nothing about technology, asked why the T.V. turned off. She then yelled… Today, my fiance of 3 years and I almost broke up. Why? Because after cooking a nice chicken dinner…