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xxxdesperadoxxx

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xxxdesperadoxxx
  • Town/Country : Washington D.C., USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 20 September 1982 (31 years)
  • Number of visits : 511
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML

#12792346
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33024) - you deserved it (22083)

On 08/28/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Sicko - Sent from mobile version

Today, when I took a nap on the couch, a spider crawled into my mouth. How do I know? My boyfriend filmed it and laughed. FML

#12087035
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30854) - you deserved it (3132)

On 07/24/2010 at 3:59pm - animals - by Whateversz (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML

#6456555
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15737) - you deserved it (8737)

On 11/26/2009 at 12:31am - intimacy - by ehwat (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

#5550225
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60670) - you deserved it (4412)

On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

#5325654
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15581) - you deserved it (41392)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:29am - animals - by Poowee (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60647) - you deserved it (15379)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

#4859108
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55261) - you deserved it (8406)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by LizP40 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

#4488799
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94140) - you deserved it (4541)

On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

#4272437
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13057) - you deserved it (46500)

On 08/04/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by jkon (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

#3960027
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47510) - you deserved it (5208)

On 07/22/2009 at 7:35pm - love - by OneYearMistake. (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

#3837360
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42723) - you deserved it (6137)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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