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xxxdesperadoxxx's favorite FMLs
by Prinpette / 09/20/2011 at 5:20pm / France / Intimacy
by Cantgetno / 09/20/2011 at 3:45am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML
by jshi8 / 08/04/2011 at 10:35am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by whatnot / 08/04/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML
by snoozerlooser / 12/24/2010 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
by Christopher / 12/13/2010 at 4:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 9:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
by Tai / 10/31/2010 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML
by tanya / 10/25/2010 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by cantstoplaughing / 10/06/2010 at 12:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I dropped my phone between my legs and tried to catch it with my thighs. Instead, the phone… Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was… Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded…