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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
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Yesterday, I realized that the place that mah brother and I would find soggy balloon and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitute take their clients. We were blowing up used condom fir a good part of our childhood. FML
Today, I Was Taking A Dump Behind A Dumpster. I Suddenly Heard A Noise And A Vibration Against The Dumpster. It Was A Garbage Truck Lifting It To Collect The Trash. The Garbage Men Started Laughing And Took Out There Phones. FML
TODAY, I OVERHERED MAH BOYFRIEND OF TWO YERES TELL HIS FRIEND HE WAS GOING TO "POP THE QUESTION". ECSTATIC, I WORE MAH NICEST DRESS AND GOT MAH HAIR DONE FIR DINNER. NEAR THE END, HE LEANT IN ROMANTICALLY AND ASKED IF WE COULD START DOING ANAL. SO MUCH FIR MARRIAGE. FML
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at mah doctors office!! I had been having violent diarrhea!! It was the reason I was at the doctor!! Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes!! During that time, I diarrhea'd in mah pants twice!! There were seven other people in the elevator!! FML
Today, mah daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. Ahole bunch of mah co-workers were standing around mehen she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with mah crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells lyk fish." FML
Today, I Was Having Sex With Girlfriend When I Came. She Got Pissed And Slapped Me Really Hard For Cumming Inside Her Cuz She Didnt Want To Get Pregnant. 1. I Was Wearing A Condom. 2. She's On The Pill. 3. We Were Having Anal Sex. FML
Today I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge looool dump. After coming home from work I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet with the caption: "This ishat Taco Bell does."
Friday 27 March 2015