About xxmarissaaaxx : Hi, I'm Marissa I love music, math, my friends, and anteaters. I'm autistic and I have Tourette's Syndrome. I don't comment a lot. The English language isn't my first so please don't hate me if I understand something wrong. :) OK well, I love you! Paka!
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xxmarissaaaxx's favorite FMLs
by It was the 11 year old / 07/21/2012 at 4:00am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
by I_Has_A_Fishy / 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Username / 07/10/2012 at 11:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
by hopeless / 07/06/2012 at 1:46am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML
by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous
by bob / 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
by fail / 06/15/2012 at 11:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by Anon / 06/10/2012 at 12:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/09/2012 at 12:51am / United States (Mississippi) / Love
Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML
by ugh / 06/08/2012 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I…