Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xxAlli

Search for a member

xxAlli
  • Town/Country : Minnesota, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 897
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About xxAlli : be yourself, fuck everything else.

xxAlli's last visitors

xxAlli's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

xxAlli's favorite FMLs

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

#16496230
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27500) - you deserved it (3230)

On 06/04/2011 at 9:07am - health - by missbutthole - United States (New York)

Today, while I was in the shower, my curious cat jumped in. She decided she really doesn't like showers and to avoid getting wet, used my naked body as a makeshift tree. FML

#16467206
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26632) - you deserved it (3113)

On 06/02/2011 at 12:06pm - animals - by brittaneejanex - United States

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35543) - you deserved it (9881)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

#16162317
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37778) - you deserved it (3571)

On 05/13/2011 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

#16115344
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12972) - you deserved it (40575)

On 05/10/2011 at 6:48am - misc - by Kyle (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

#16101317
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38717) - you deserved it (16719)

On 05/09/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by coldwetnose (woman) - United States

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

#15960842
365 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27411) - you deserved it (39623)

On 04/28/2011 at 7:07am - kids - by oldmama728 -

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

#15935332
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37509) - you deserved it (11792)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:20pm - kids - by nomorexbox - United States (Georgia)

Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

#15901266
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9047) - you deserved it (37345)

On 04/23/2011 at 9:02pm - animals - by bobo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

#15858919
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41443) - you deserved it (9837)

On 04/20/2011 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States

Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML

#15853054
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26885) - you deserved it (9079)

On 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

#15852262
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43513) - you deserved it (6376)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

#15748072
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24542) - you deserved it (2252)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by ILiveWithMorons (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML

#15703815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28942) - you deserved it (3618)

On 04/09/2011 at 1:32am - animals - by blehhx - United States

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42537) - you deserved it (6477)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: