About xstaticdelta : I hate freaks, especially pedophilles
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I agree, their lives suck
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xstaticdelta's favorite FMLs
Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML
by JohnMackSquirts / 03/19/2009 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
by SpiderMan / 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML
by imanidiot / 03/03/2009 at 1:29am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML
by textfail / 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Mick / 02/20/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by crazyvulva9216 / 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside…