Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xneonlightsx

Offline (the 02/08/2016 at 2:47pm) | Search for a member

xneonlightsx

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 18 October 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1628
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About xneonlightsx : 20/F/Canada

xneonlightsx's page activity

Visits<b>CourtneyDanielle</b> - the 04/10/2010 at 9:27pm

xneonlightsx's FML badges

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of xneonlightsx's badges

xneonlightsx's favorite FMLs

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

#21485063
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20419) - you deserved it (2045)

On 10/27/2015 at 2:59pm - misc - by itsplashedeverywhere - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

#21483617
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29391) - you deserved it (5737) - Translated from the version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/23/2015 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Walter (man) - Spain

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

#21480731
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27434) - you deserved it (2725)

On 10/16/2015 at 11:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

#21479432
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31635) - you deserved it (5615)

On 10/13/2015 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML

#21475579
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22575) - you deserved it (11675)

On 10/03/2015 at 3:00am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML

#21469946
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22046) - you deserved it (1838)

On 09/18/2015 at 5:14pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my dog vomited a writhing mass of maggots. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled, and I was baffled as to where she found a maggot infested dead thing to eat. Baffled, until my mom reminded me that my cat has been missing, presumed dead, for over a week. FML

#21469594
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26151) - you deserved it (1621)

On 09/17/2015 at 5:08pm - animals - by wormsmeat (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
164 comments

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

#21457342
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25798) - you deserved it (10248)

On 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm - work - by BarhydtBran - United States (California)

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

#21451858
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24434) - you deserved it (2517)

On 08/04/2015 at 5:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32712) - you deserved it (5791)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

#21442016
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40107) - you deserved it (2028)

On 07/15/2015 at 11:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

#21439774
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27819) - you deserved it (2062)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm - work - by don't get paid enough for this (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

#21438347
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24434) - you deserved it (4349)

On 07/08/2015 at 3:04am - animals - by coolcat10156 (woman) - United States (Texas)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: