Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xneonlightsx

Offline (the 08/29/2015 at 1:09am) | Search for a member

xneonlightsx

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 18 October 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1484
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

xneonlightsx's page activity

Visits<b>CourtneyDanielle</b> - the 04/10/2010 at 9:27pm

xneonlightsx's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of xneonlightsx's badges

xneonlightsx's favorite FMLs

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
163 comments

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

#21457342
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24595) - you deserved it (8956)

On 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm - work - by BarhydtBran - United States (California)

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

#21451858
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23373) - you deserved it (2401)

On 08/04/2015 at 5:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29046) - you deserved it (4804)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

#21442016
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38911) - you deserved it (1960)

On 07/15/2015 at 11:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

#21439774
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27125) - you deserved it (1997)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm - work - by don't get paid enough for this (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

#21438347
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22960) - you deserved it (3931)

On 07/08/2015 at 3:04am - animals - by coolcat10156 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

#21434454
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23636) - you deserved it (1654)

On 06/30/2015 at 4:26pm - work - by sickatwokr - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

#21420039
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30219) - you deserved it (4304)

On 06/03/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28342) - you deserved it (4668)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML

#21406781
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27459) - you deserved it (3728)

On 05/08/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by McWhopper - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

#21406695
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13762) - you deserved it (36086)

On 05/08/2015 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

#21394396
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30655) - you deserved it (2937)

On 04/15/2015 at 10:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML



FML's blog

  • RoSaCe's illustrated FML
  • Back to business! Yep, everyone is back from their vacation, unless you're a rich, childfree, lovin' life-type of person who doesn't go on holiday when everybody else does, and can do whatever they…

Friday 4 September 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: