Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xabuko

Search for a member

xabuko
  • Town/Country : Towson, MD, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 12 January 1987 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 6639
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About xabuko : I like a long haired thick red bone
Open up her legs then filet Mignon

She be jumpin up and down
Tryna fit that ass in
Took her half an hour
Just to get that belt to fasten
All they want to talk about is partyin' and fashion
Every single night I have a dream that I am smashin'
Them all
Young Money man this shit so timeless
And I'm in the mood to get faded so please bring your finest
And what are all your names again we drunk remind us

Cause' we like her
And we like her too
And we like her

In about 3 years, holla at me Miley Cyrus


http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/xabuko?ref=profile

xabuko's last visitors

NinaTatiannaFreezeBuMbLeBeE_46Krebdemetrius19Eviiprettypink786greyy_gooooseChaithCuervo23LilAfo

xabuko's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

xabuko's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
813 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113719) - you deserved it (71759)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

#2713232
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12706) - you deserved it (79727)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

#2713232
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12706) - you deserved it (79727)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

#2711577
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23796) - you deserved it (61461)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:32am - intimacy - by levit (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

#2711154
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27152) - you deserved it (36176)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:54am - misc - by KBO (woman) - Australia

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56359) - you deserved it (7233)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

#2340174
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46253) - you deserved it (5289)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by snitchovich (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

#2335998
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47112) - you deserved it (4676)

On 05/27/2009 at 5:48am - love - by xpxp2002 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

#2275729
721 comments

I agree, your life sucks (248745) - you deserved it (111406)

On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

#2271321
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72873) - you deserved it (4277)

On 05/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

#2187594
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59067) - you deserved it (18921)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

#2158517
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55472) - you deserved it (10025)

On 05/21/2009 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by screwed (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

#2073712
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59418) - you deserved it (4086)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:09am - love - by SKuser (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

#2071351
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41876) - you deserved it (18870)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: