Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

x_messyjessy_x

Search for a member

x_messyjessy_x
  • Town/Country : England
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 26 April 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 496
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About x_messyjessy_x : Hi um my name is jess I\\\'m 14 um I\\\'m funny I like cake and ninjas :) um I like music my favourite band is lostprophets um yeah and I like FMLs :)

x_messyjessy_x's last visitors

warsunpinklover1121mollyjynxjaxalexmac222xkore787IntoTheCloudsphuckmylife_1oA_Fiascoralletsbroken_symlinkflyerfan101

x_messyjessy_x's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

x_messyjessy_x's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML

#17743940
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35103) - you deserved it (4804)

On 09/14/2011 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by ohmaigawd (woman) - Argentina

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

#17743862
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32902) - you deserved it (2264)

On 09/14/2011 at 12:34pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

#17512926
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24874) - you deserved it (7303)

On 08/18/2011 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by BigmouthStrikesAgain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22122) - you deserved it (10492)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

#17342514
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28045) - you deserved it (4425)

On 08/02/2011 at 10:52am - health - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, my ex-boyfriend called to tell me that he had always made a point to eat some form of meat before making out with me. He'd known I was a vegetarian since the day we met. FML

#17338419
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27054) - you deserved it (8023)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:13am - love - by HaHa Not Funny (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

#17316735
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26288) - you deserved it (2932)

On 07/31/2011 at 2:17am - health - by The Joker? - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

#17315983
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34541) - you deserved it (11900)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by creepedout - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

#17313020
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38095) - you deserved it (7301)

On 07/30/2011 at 8:45pm - intimacy - by cutiekenz21 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was really excited because the girl I'd liked since freshman year asked me out. She came to my house and my mom decided to show her baby pictures of me with tampons up my nose because I'd had a nose bleed. Even worse, there was one picture of me when I was 15 doing the same thing. FML

#17307375
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26298) - you deserved it (8557)

On 07/30/2011 at 8:03am - misc - by tamponface (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that horror movies do not exaggerate the pain of getting your nails ripped from your fingers. FML

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

#17214769
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24644) - you deserved it (5979)

On 07/22/2011 at 6:51am - kids - by TKDConnor92 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

#17213168
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8632) - you deserved it (73461)

On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML

#17093832
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25100) - you deserved it (2217)

On 07/13/2011 at 12:26pm - misc - by MIB (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

#16983308
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28532) - you deserved it (4139)

On 07/05/2011 at 4:27am - intimacy - by davidthegreat (man) - Japan



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: