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xXGrellXx's favorite FMLs
Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML
by booksandshadows / 03/04/2014 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML
by Biologyfacepalm / 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm / Bahrain (Al Manamah) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/28/2014 at 2:43pm / United States (New York) / Health
by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
by mom / 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 3:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
by DJ / 01/24/2014 at 8:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2014 at 1:59pm / South Africa / Intimacy
by awkword / 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML
by AnnoyedSister / 12/30/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
by LadyLola / 11/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
- Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today, after asking my manager how his day was going he explained that he stopped drinking and was… Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck…