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xNephilim's favorite FMLs
by ruvru / 04/10/2009 at 1:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML
by BracesSuck / 04/09/2009 at 8:33am / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML
by rmo1776 / 04/06/2009 at 2:16am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
by justfat / 03/11/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by nolongerengaged / 02/03/2009 at 12:08pm / United States / Love
Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML
by kallens / 01/17/2009 at 3:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
- Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him.… Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone,… Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over…
- Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him…