Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xNephilim

Search for a member

xNephilim
  • Town/Country : Pembroke, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 March 1993 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 2448
  • Number of comments : 1059
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 29 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

xNephilim's last visitors

ThatSlappinBasstrex83magickittenredneck_mechanicPippiLee123Taylor22294Baucis

xNephilim's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of xNephilim's badges

xNephilim's favorite FMLs

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

#13957854
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28676) - you deserved it (4478)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I got back from a two week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my room mate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML

#12649118
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35995) - you deserved it (2863)

On 08/20/2010 at 6:03pm - animals - by therealducktape - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

#12365331
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13568) - you deserved it (30043)

On 08/07/2010 at 2:04am - misc - by Zinfandel (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year old girl." FML

#8781729
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21171) - you deserved it (1901)

On 03/02/2010 at 8:20pm - misc - by JackG - United States (Montana)

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

#8621697
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10631) - you deserved it (21604)

On 02/24/2010 at 7:29pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML

#8621436
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19704) - you deserved it (3554)

On 02/24/2010 at 7:15pm - work - by richgirl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was robbed at work. The guy stole my cell phone, bag, and laptop. Because of the robbery, I had to close the store two and a half hours early. My boss decided to dock my hours. FML

#8158175
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19983) - you deserved it (1709)

On 02/12/2010 at 2:44am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

#7651599
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24814) - you deserved it (2072)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

#7390667
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16075) - you deserved it (4105)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friends let me win at strip poker so I wouldn't take off my clothes. FML

#7293209
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you deserved it (5441)

On 01/12/2010 at 12:42am - misc - by Absent - France

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

#6660964
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11779) - you deserved it (32667)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by cookscatastrophy - United States (California)

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37184) - you deserved it (2818)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I received a three-time forwarded message which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML

#5984352
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26947) - you deserved it (1527)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:36am - love - by Kalaina - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

#5840446
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19662) - you deserved it (3179)

On 10/15/2009 at 8:33am - work - by Blanerd (man) - United States (New Jersey)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: