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xNephilim's favorite FMLs
by rattness / 12/07/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 2:35am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I got back from a two week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my room mate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML
by therealducktape / 08/20/2010 at 6:03pm / Animals
by Zinfandel / 08/07/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year old girl." FML
by JackG / 03/02/2010 at 8:20pm / United States (Montana) / Kids
Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (South Dakota) / Love
Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML
by richgirl / 02/24/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Work
by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:44am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/28/2010 at 8:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by writer4life / 01/17/2010 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Absent / 01/12/2010 at 12:42am / France / Miscellaneous
by fmylifegirl / 12/29/2009 at 3:59pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
by cookscatastrophy / 12/08/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 6:44am / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, I received a three-time forwarded message which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML
- Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch… Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends.… Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas…