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xNephilim's favorite FMLs
by dukebluedevils13 / 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals
Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML
by makeitstop / 08/04/2011 at 9:41am / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad that had the line "No corn, no wheat, no soy", all of which I'm severely allergic to. I got so excited at the prospect of having a food I could eat, I fell out of my chair. I then realized it was an ad for dog food. FML
by ChelseaRae / 07/06/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Health
by randomjulz / 06/15/2011 at 11:53pm / United States / Love
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
by anonymous / 06/15/2011 at 2:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by AndieApocalypse / 06/03/2011 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
by ihateseagulls / 04/07/2011 at 7:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by Jonathan / 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm / Denmark (Midtjyllen) / Miscellaneous
by Megara / 03/15/2011 at 1:58am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML
by cleangirl / 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
by MissCommunicate / 02/05/2011 at 10:36am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically. She gave me a really weird expression and moved quickly away from me. Then I realised that I only knew her because I had stalked her Facebook once. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 11:30am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Transportation
Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2010 at 10:02am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…