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xKRiPtiX

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xKRiPtiX

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xKRiPtiX's favorite FMLs

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

#2043522
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43556) - you deserved it (16299)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:45am - love - by oops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

#1909780
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48235) - you deserved it (34877)

On 05/13/2009 at 6:20pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

#1893907
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82359) - you deserved it (4490)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by chaos2007 - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

#1881658
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10736) - you deserved it (54421)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML

#1879175
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25509) - you deserved it (139974)

On 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm - health - by Loser (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

#1800346
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58532) - you deserved it (5652)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by sucksforme. (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (178479) - you deserved it (45727)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML

#1525612
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54717) - you deserved it (3886)

On 05/01/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

#1243795
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10076) - you deserved it (75048)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:11pm - misc - by brob56 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

#856956
467 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59035) - you deserved it (20211)

On 04/07/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by phreshrice (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom's walk-in closet. FML

#849768
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (167754) - you deserved it (9202)

On 04/07/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Powerfool (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that she wasn't really in love with me. She got that advice from an internet survey. FML

#738604
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64017) - you deserved it (8402)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:04am - love - by internetadvice (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

#736026
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58463) - you deserved it (4955)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

#690128
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32798) - you deserved it (72497)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Bucko321 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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