woofay4

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woofay4

0Fucked!

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  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 65
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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woofay4's favorite FMLs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

by titoutou222 / 10/22/2011 at 8:40am / France / Kids

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

by tom0441 / 10/22/2011 at 4:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a pretty heated argument with my boss. On my way out the door I told him he would be lucky if I came back to work. Unfortunately, I left the interior light on in my truck and it drained the battery. I had to go back in and ask for a jump. FML

by bob / 10/22/2011 at 12:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2011 at 12:07am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

by DMStarsky / 10/21/2011 at 1:19pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

by Mr.P / 10/21/2011 at 11:35am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, still suffering from an eye infection, I received a customer complaint. Having red eyes, asking how a patron's day went, and thanking them as they left my register obviously means that I must be stoned out of my mind. Apparently I've moved to a city where you must be on drugs if you're nice. FML

by Customer Stonage Representative / 10/21/2011 at 8:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 7:37am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

by drunkboysgf / 10/21/2011 at 3:39am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

by hatetodisappoint / 10/21/2011 at 2:32am / United States / Love

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

by Dv0829 / 10/21/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML

by crankg / 10/21/2011 at 12:57am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML

by skinny dipper / 10/20/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy