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wiretapped's favorite FMLs
by some people... / 09/19/2013 at 1:35am / United States / Work
Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML
by ElizaZee / 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Sunny / 09/18/2013 at 6:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML
by Anoymous / 09/18/2013 at 2:31pm / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Work
by Anon / 09/18/2013 at 1:48pm / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 1:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 10:57am / United States / Work
Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML
by Stupid / 09/18/2013 at 4:46am / United States (Missouri) / Money
Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML
by NonBelieber / 09/18/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Alabama) / Transportation
Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML
by AwkwardPartyBear / 09/17/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:52pm / United States / Love
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML
by Anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by someone / 09/17/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML
by tay / 09/17/2013 at 11:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through… Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking… Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When…