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wiretapped's favorite FMLs
by peacechick71 / 09/22/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss made me play golf with some executives of a company we're hoping to secure a business deal with, despite me having no golf training. My first swing ended up with me being rushed to the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 5:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
by soannoyed / 09/22/2013 at 5:21pm / United States / Kids
by mish / 09/22/2013 at 4:41pm / United Kingdom (Herefordshire) / Love
Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML
by -_- / 09/22/2013 at 2:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 7:36am / United States (Florida) / Kids
by collegebroke / 09/22/2013 at 1:45am / United States (California) / Money
Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML
by not_fakingit / 09/22/2013 at 12:26am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/21/2013 at 2:10pm / United States / Love
Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML
by gemtas5 / 09/21/2013 at 1:28pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Love
by CandyCrushAddict / 09/21/2013 at 11:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML
by dadyoureacunt / 09/21/2013 at 9:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/21/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Mississippi) / Health
Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML
by oops / 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…