wirelimbs

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Offline (the 01/27/2014 at 1:14pm)

wirelimbs

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 September 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 887
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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wirelimbs's page activity

Visits<b>seeoseek</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 11:49am<b>bossyass</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 12:29pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 11/13/2013 at 12:56pm<b>Farmer_Ted</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 6:46pm<b>Beyto7000</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 5:04pm<b>ilovesarcasm</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 6:55pm<b>neeni88</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 7:37am<b>Sockturtle</b> - the 08/09/2013 at 8:16am<b>perdix</b> - the 04/08/2013 at 9:27am<b>Grand_Cookie</b> - the 04/08/2013 at 9:01am

wirelimbs's FML badges

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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wirelimbs's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

by Goodyear / 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I ran for the first time in ages when I saw my bus coming. My loose shoe went flying into a shop doorway, and I tripped into the gutter. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2013 at 10:52pm / United States / Health

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

by -__- / 12/27/2013 at 4:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm / Jamaica (Saint Andrew) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

by abc123 / 12/16/2013 at 11:44am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

by [...] / 12/12/2013 at 9:28am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Kids

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2013 at 4:57pm / Argentina / Health

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

by smooth / 11/21/2013 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML

by TheTruthofWomen / 11/04/2013 at 12:45am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

by Argh / 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

by PapaW / 11/01/2013 at 3:01am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

by mathgenius / 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous