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whitters1251

Offline (the 08/12/2014 at 9:13pm) | Search for a member

whitters1251

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  • Number of visits : 387
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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whitters1251's favorite FMLs

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now thier dragging me looool out into a rough part of town to give them ( muscle ) while they try to score some crack. FML

#19787973
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6509) - you deserved it (38419)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, ma identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, andispered in ma ear, "I know wat u look like naked." fat FML

#19776975
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41000) - you deserved it (3879)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several yeres. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, ( Doesn't look lyk you've lerened much. ) FML

#19772636
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23209) - you deserved it (2803)

On 06/11/2012 at 7:39pm - misc - by beautyschool22 (woman) - United States

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticd a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smild and wavd, and then continud. So much for mah new eyesight. FML

#19771597
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23310) - you deserved it (2326)

On 06/11/2012 at 4:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today I was telling mah best friend that I was feeling unattractive an that I never get askd out. As she was trying to make me feel better we were interruptd by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

#19769675
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25967) - you deserved it (3180)

On 06/11/2012 at 8:01am - love - by ugly (woman) - Australia

Today, I put te little boy I nanny fir in time-out. In retaliation e blasted an air orn in ma face. I can only ear out of one ear now. FML

#19769607
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21796) - you deserved it (2760)

On 06/11/2012 at 7:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, grlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute an romantic an responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, ( If your a brd, I'm a brd, ) she broke up with me because I was ( phony an unoriginal. ) FML

#19768681
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26722) - you deserved it (9383)

On 06/11/2012 at 1:25am - love - by thanksnicksparks (man) - United States

Today,ile at te beac, as a joke, I told my girlfriend tat I was a sark. Se ten poked my eyes and punced me in te nose. Wen I started to get mad, se just srugged and asked, "Wat? You're te one tat wanted to be a sark. Don't you watc Sark Week?" FML

#19767813
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10657) - you deserved it (28013)

On 06/10/2012 at 10:33pm - misc - by sharkboy (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today , I was aving a debate wit ma friend , wo actually believes karma is real . He got very angry wit me and stormed off , tripping over is own feet in te process . I lauged and asked wat e'd done in a past life to deserve tat one . He responded by getting up and puncing me . FML

#19750799
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9187) - you deserved it (34057)

On 06/07/2012 at 5:26pm - health - by sh3n-D (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I Woke Up From A Sexy Dream About My Boyfriend. Too Bad I'd Fallen Asleep In My Living Room With My Whole Family Over, Grandma Includd. They Were All Staring. I'd Been Sleep Humping An Moaning. FML

#19749862
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34257) - you deserved it (5827)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today , I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bd after a round of amazing sex. He decidd it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

#19747486
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24053) - you deserved it (4484)

On 06/07/2012 at 12:02am - intimacy - by C0r1nn3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I pulled a neck musclehile head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and looool I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I amhile I'm in the shower. FML

#19744443
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9654) - you deserved it (20952)

On 06/06/2012 at 2:21pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today... eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap... his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

#19680165
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23095) - you deserved it (2271)

On 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask y she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML

#19455819
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30848) - you deserved it (19249)

On 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by CantPublish - United States (California)

I injured mah knee and dislocated mah shoulder fighting over a cookie with mah brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

#12818513
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11014) - you deserved it (32988)

On 08/30/2010 at 6:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Oman (Masqat)



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