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whitters1251

Offline (the 08/12/2014 at 9:13pm) | Search for a member

whitters1251

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  • Number of visits : 341
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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whitters1251's page activity

Visits<b>frykid96</b> - the 08/01/2013 at 5:20am<b>awkward611</b> - the 07/22/2013 at 5:11am<b>MrItalia</b> - the 01/05/2013 at 8:36am<b>JefftheRipper</b> - the 01/01/2013 at 12:30pm

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whitters1251's favorite FMLs

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

#19787973
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6479) - you deserved it (38282)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40876) - you deserved it (3873)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

#19772636
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23122) - you deserved it (2791)

On 06/11/2012 at 7:39pm - misc - by beautyschool22 (woman) - United States

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

#19771597
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23173) - you deserved it (2317)

On 06/11/2012 at 4:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

#19769675
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25869) - you deserved it (3172)

On 06/11/2012 at 8:01am - love - by ugly (woman) - Australia

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

#19769607
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21737) - you deserved it (2753)

On 06/11/2012 at 7:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute and romantic and responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird," she broke up with me because I was "phony and unoriginal." FML

#19768681
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25396) - you deserved it (9116)

On 06/11/2012 at 1:25am - love - by thanksnicksparks (man) - United States

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

#19767813
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10101) - you deserved it (27211)

On 06/10/2012 at 10:33pm - misc - by sharkboy (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML

#19750799
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9148) - you deserved it (33961)

On 06/07/2012 at 5:26pm - health - by sh3n-D (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

#19749862
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34128) - you deserved it (5813)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

#19747486
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23938) - you deserved it (4471)

On 06/07/2012 at 12:02am - intimacy - by C0r1nn3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

#19744443
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9620) - you deserved it (20881)

On 06/06/2012 at 2:21pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

#19680165
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23004) - you deserved it (2267)

On 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML

#19455819
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29144) - you deserved it (19228)

On 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by CantPublish - United States (California)

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

#12818513
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10965) - you deserved it (32890)

On 08/30/2010 at 6:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Oman (Masqat)



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