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Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now thier dragging me looool out into a rough part of town to give them ( muscle ) while they try to score some crack. FML
Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several yeres. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, ( Doesn't look lyk you've lerened much. ) FML
Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticd a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smild and wavd, and then continud. So much for mah new eyesight. FML
Today, grlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute an romantic an responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, ( If your a brd, I'm a brd, ) she broke up with me because I was ( phony an unoriginal. ) FML
Today,ile at te beac, as a joke, I told my girlfriend tat I was a sark. Se ten poked my eyes and punced me in te nose. Wen I started to get mad, se just srugged and asked, "Wat? You're te one tat wanted to be a sark. Don't you watc Sark Week?" FML
Today , I was aving a debate wit ma friend , wo actually believes karma is real . He got very angry wit me and stormed off , tripping over is own feet in te process . I lauged and asked wat e'd done in a past life to deserve tat one . He responded by getting up and puncing me . FML
Today, I Woke Up From A Sexy Dream About My Boyfriend. Too Bad I'd Fallen Asleep In My Living Room With My Whole Family Over, Grandma Includd. They Were All Staring. I'd Been Sleep Humping An Moaning. FML
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask y she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
Friday 27 March 2015