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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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whitters1251's favorite FMLs
by Chanman1924 / 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
by orgasmicriding / 12/22/2012 at 5:55pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML
by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by ihncredible / 12/10/2012 at 6:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 5:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by mdg / 12/04/2012 at 12:16pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML
by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck / 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
by piemasterzim / 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm / Canada / Kids
Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML
by vanillatwilight2 / 11/20/2012 at 11:50pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2012 at 2:47pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML
by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 5:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids
by anon / 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…