whereismyb4con

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Offline (the 08/26/2015 at 8:27pm)

whereismyb4con

28Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2202
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About whereismyb4con : Lover of video games, food, dinosaurs, animals, tv, naps, and whining

Slayer of bacon, lover of books, connoisseur of racist jokes

whereismyb4con's page activity

Visits<b>LivToFail</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 10:41pm<b>clairecurses</b> - the 05/14/2016 at 4:24pm<b>natashamilan</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 1:46pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 9:09pm<b>brentt2711</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 7:55am<b>softpaws</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 6:47am<b>hotheadslav</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 6:25pm<b>mds9986</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 12:04am<b>charrbee90</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 6:17am<b>Liamwme</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 4:41pm<b>julia_adamec</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 9:56am<b>lola4455</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 7:53am<b>sulvan182</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 5:44am<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 10:47pm<b>iAlissa</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 3:31pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 4:17am<b>uhmhaicats</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 11:46am<b>LeFrancaisRaleur</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 10:50am

Fucked!<b>mds9986</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 6:04am<b>melisssa87</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 12:31am<b>AngelOf_Darkness</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 9:22pm<b>karcummings</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 9:47pm<b>kikoma</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 9:11am<b>teresa96706</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 9:39pm<b>swaggyswagswag</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 4:27am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 3:46am<b>annarcheer</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 2:36am<b>snarkytruth</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 3:34am<b>molly471</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 12:32am<b>charrbee90</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 1:53pm<b>lolonewsom</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 5:53am<b>Pandacupcakelove</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 10:03pm<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 6:03am<b>Miss_Klutzie</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 11:24pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 12:14am<b>UhHuhHoney</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 2:32am

whereismyb4con's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of whereismyb4con's badges

whereismyb4con's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

by emasculated 10000% / 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

by fuckyoutoo / 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 11:21am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

by kindergarten teacher / 03/23/2013 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

by Susan / 03/18/2013 at 4:59am / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

by stillfuckingcrying / 02/24/2013 at 4:20pm / Sweden (Kalmar Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

by dynah114 / 01/27/2013 at 2:08pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Miscellaneous

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

by dormeur / 01/18/2013 at 6:39am / Animals

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML

by Bonding_boys / 12/17/2012 at 11:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

by Single / 12/04/2012 at 11:17am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Love