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whereismyb4con

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whereismyb4con

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  • Number of visits : 764
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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whereismyb4con's favorite FMLs

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49095) - you deserved it (4440)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

#20867471
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39071) - you deserved it (6631)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

#20841635
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54774) - you deserved it (4576)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by fsfs (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56736) - you deserved it (5515)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52828) - you deserved it (9139)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

#20747044
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39732) - you deserved it (4801)

On 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49361) - you deserved it (8734)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

#20744693
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46715) - you deserved it (6903)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:49pm - health - by SillyScotsman - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

#20724998
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72932) - you deserved it (7217)

On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18111) - you deserved it (43818)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55852) - you deserved it (32863)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

#20645479
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88178) - you deserved it (5517)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64530) - you deserved it (5949)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50046) - you deserved it (7073)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67160) - you deserved it (9912)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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