About wandering_soul : Security Guard and aspiring thespian.
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wandering_soul's favorite FMLs
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2016 at 11:44am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by erphy21 / 09/26/2015 at 4:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by wandering_soul / 09/23/2015 at 2:44pm / United States / Work
Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2015 at 1:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML
by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work
by babbling idiot / 08/14/2015 at 5:35am / Canada / Work
by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/08/2015 at 4:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by what / 06/11/2015 at 6:46pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML
by colorfun / 05/17/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2015 at 5:11am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 2:59am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by pissed / 05/10/2015 at 10:34am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML
by -_- / 04/22/2015 at 11:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
- Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters… Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed.… Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it…