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vostro_candy

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vostro_candy
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9725
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About vostro_candy : We all have our share of bad days. While I have my share occasionally, I unfortunately have many friends who are just plain unlucky. I'll be posting their stories through this account.

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vostro_candy's favorite FMLs

Today, I was working in a warehouse where fellow employees were kicking empty boxes around. Seeing a box, I got running distance and kicked it as hard as I could, only to look up in horror to see that I had kicked into our CEO's face. I still had both my arms up in score mode. FML

#4417432
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9620) - you deserved it (43519)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:03am - work - by zwillywilly (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

#4397951
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29623) - you deserved it (12527)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

#4397951
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29623) - you deserved it (12527)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

#4397951
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29623) - you deserved it (12527)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

#4393930
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46523) - you deserved it (10050)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:41pm - intimacy - by blank13 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML

#4389779
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8889) - you deserved it (50256)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

#4379475
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14963) - you deserved it (69909)

On 08/08/2009 at 3:18am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

#4361327
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46099) - you deserved it (6085)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML

#4307488
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14980) - you deserved it (55905)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by unlucky (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

#4254409
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64621) - you deserved it (4723)

On 08/03/2009 at 12:33pm - intimacy - by myparentsarehoes (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61165) - you deserved it (4976)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63666) - you deserved it (14527)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

#4113781
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47344) - you deserved it (7512)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)



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