Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About vocaloidtiger : "I don't think there's anything man wasn't meant to know. There are just some stupid things that people shouldn't do." - David Cronenberg
Hey guys. I suppose I WOULD tell who I am, but that's too mainstream. Instead, I'll tell you what I'm NOT:
- 1 d0nT tYP3 L13k d1S (And I also really don't appreciate it at ALL when other people do).
- I don't flip tables when people don't use perfect grammar.
- I am not in the LEAST socially awesome.
- I am not a crazed stalker that lives in Vermont whose walls are covered in pictures of people that I have stalked and hope to someday murder with a plastic spoon (although you will never know if I just lied).
Did I mention that I'm also a philosopher who wants to become an engineer and someday hopes to discover the secrets of the universe and answer its seemingly unanswerable questions?
Yeah, I'll let you know how that works out for me.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML
Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
Monday 30 November 2015