Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About vocaloidtiger : "I don't think there's anything man wasn't meant to know. There are just some stupid things that people shouldn't do." - David Cronenberg
Hey guys. I suppose I WOULD tell who I am, but that's too mainstream. Instead, I'll tell you what I'm NOT:
- 1 d0nT tYP3 L13k d1S (And I also really don't appreciate it at ALL when other people do).
- I don't flip tables when people don't use perfect grammar.
- I am not in the LEAST socially awesome.
- I am not a crazed stalker that lives in Vermont whose walls are covered in pictures of people that I have stalked and hope to someday murder with a plastic spoon (although you will never know if I just lied).
Did I mention that I'm also a philosopher who wants to become an engineer and someday hopes to discover the secrets of the universe and answer its seemingly unanswerable questions?
Yeah, I'll let you know how that works out for me.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML
Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML
Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML
Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
Friday 27 November 2015