vintageemerald

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vintageemerald

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 826
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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vintageemerald's page activity

Visits<b>IMCRAZYYYY</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 11:38pm<b>pickmikk</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 3:23am<b>Caroline1812</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 10:05pm<b>reburkah</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 3:47pm<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 5:40pm<b>Cristian89</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 11:38am<b>BaconCrisp</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 2:13am<b>f36k</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 7:11pm<b>MythsNLegends</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 3:08pm<b>Teen_Facts</b> - the 01/16/2013 at 9:21am<b>miralars</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 10:49pm<b>red_link2</b> - the 01/14/2013 at 10:00pm<b>Vexxem</b> - the 01/14/2013 at 7:05am<b>kisecawchuck</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 11:53pm<b>DudeEvil</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 9:47pm<b>JefftheRipper</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 8:46pm<b>hilow212</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 7:27pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 7:27pm

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vintageemerald's favorite FMLs

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

by seriouslystupid / 09/23/2009 at 8:08pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

by Ben / 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy, and then he said, "Lets pretend you are someone else." FML

by somebodyelse / 08/17/2009 at 1:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

by notguilty / 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

by jkon / 08/04/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

by Nikse / 07/29/2009 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

by kitkat545 / 06/15/2009 at 7:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2009 at 12:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

by mylifesucks / 04/18/2009 at 3:20am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Love

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

by jackass / 04/13/2009 at 6:46am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

by highleyj / 04/01/2009 at 4:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

by poo_shoe123 / 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2009 at 11:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

by Noname / 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

by DanniRae / 03/13/2009 at 9:48am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy