vintageemerald

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vintageemerald

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 677
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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vintageemerald's page activity

Visits<b>Caroline1812</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 10:05pm<b>reburkah</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 3:47pm<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 5:40pm<b>Cristian89</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 11:38am<b>BaconCrisp</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 2:13am<b>f36k</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 7:11pm<b>MythsNLegends</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 3:08pm<b>Teen_Facts</b> - the 01/16/2013 at 9:21am<b>miralars</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 10:49pm<b>red_link2</b> - the 01/14/2013 at 10:00pm<b>Vexxem</b> - the 01/14/2013 at 7:05am<b>kisecawchuck</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 11:53pm<b>DudeEvil</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 9:47pm<b>JefftheRipper</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 8:46pm<b>hilow212</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 7:27pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 7:27pm<b>texashater75</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 6:56pm<b>RevengeIsSweet</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 6:11pm

vintageemerald's FML badges

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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vintageemerald's favorite FMLs

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

by Tootie / 07/30/2011 at 2:58am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

by Not That Old / 07/28/2011 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

by parentof5 / 04/23/2011 at 11:20am / United States / Kids

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

by Clare / 02/21/2011 at 6:15pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out "Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?" The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2011 at 6:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

by snitcheyes / 11/09/2010 at 11:00am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

by noname / 11/07/2010 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

by Lin / 03/02/2010 at 12:57am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

by newniece / 01/26/2010 at 7:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

by Michele / 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

by pumpkinbutt / 01/17/2010 at 4:08pm / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

by Anonymous. / 12/31/2009 at 12:23am / United States / Love

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

by ljjprchf / 12/12/2009 at 8:29pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

by fatguyinalittlecoat / 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy