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vintageemerald

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vintageemerald
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 257
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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vintageemerald's favorite FMLs

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

#17305922
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34493) - you deserved it (3003)

On 07/30/2011 at 2:58am - work - by Tootie (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

#17282563
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21315) - you deserved it (4512)

On 07/28/2011 at 12:22am - misc - by Not That Old (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

#15896791
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29466) - you deserved it (21700)

On 04/23/2011 at 11:20am - kids - by parentof5 (man) - United States

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

#15067918
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32061) - you deserved it (6549)

On 02/21/2011 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by Clare (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out "Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?" The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML

#14879534
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9141) - you deserved it (37952)

On 02/07/2011 at 6:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

#13776562
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21675) - you deserved it (2237)

On 11/09/2010 at 11:00am - misc - by snitcheyes (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

#13746005
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28874) - you deserved it (2268)

On 11/07/2010 at 12:04am - health - by noname (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

#13561698
349 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47706) - you deserved it (3383)

On 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

#8765268
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17420) - you deserved it (2093)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Lin - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

#7594942
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31672) - you deserved it (1886)

On 01/26/2010 at 7:09pm - misc - by newniece (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

#7404915
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31639) - you deserved it (3107)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm - kids - by Michele (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

#7401501
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22006) - you deserved it (3982)

On 01/17/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by pumpkinbutt - Sent from mobile version

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

#7047511
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26290) - you deserved it (4295)

On 12/31/2009 at 12:23am - love - by Anonymous. - United States

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

#6727065
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21578) - you deserved it (11828)

On 12/12/2009 at 8:29pm - kids - by ljjprchf (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

#6665165
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14515) - you deserved it (3188)

On 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by fatguyinalittlecoat (man) - United States (Illinois)



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