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Taday I hava to taka madicina that givas ma painful , violant farts . Tomorrow , I hava to aithar gat firad or go work in an offica that's daad silant . How silant? Last waak I haard my coworkar drop a paparclip , thraa dasks away . FML
Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I orderd from the pimple-facd kid at the register, pulld out two fives, an he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 yeres away from that. Thank you? FML
Today , I was walking to the shopshen I saw mah friend about 10 metres in front of me , waiting at the traffic lights , by herself. Jokingly , I shoutd out ( Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights? ) The girl turnd around. It wasn't mah friend. FML
yesterday I was calld 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that mah Mom is trying to set me up with. He has calld me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalkd in mah own dorm. fat FML
Today, I was mad at my moter. Wy? We went to parent-teacer interviews, and se told my mat teacer tat se sould allow batroom breaks because I ave a "very eavy menstrual flow." My teacer suggested I eat more red meat. Tey got into a seven-minute argument about tis. FML
TODAY, I WAS AT A CONCERT AND AN OLDER MAN OFFERD TO LET ME STAND IN FRONT OF HIM CUZ I'M SHORT. IT WASN'T UNTIL THE SHOW STARTD AND PEOPLE WERE JUMPING AROUND DID I REALIZE HE HAD A BONER AND WAS REPEATEDLY BUMPING INTO ME. FML
Today, my grandpa, a married ig scool teacer, got arrested fir aving an inappropriate relationsip wit a female student. Hereing te news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is e most likely going to jail, looool but in seven monts I will ave a new aunt wo is eigteen yeres younger tan me. FML
Today, wile babysitting a six year old boy, e askd me if I could sow im ma "boobies." I said no, tat wouldn't be very appropriate . Suddenly, e pulld down is pants/undie an pointd to is package wile exclaiming, "Look, ma penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me . real FML
Taday I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5 000 check my grandparents had given me fir college money. I found out that instead of my name they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got looool into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
Friday 27 March 2015