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vintageemerald

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vintageemerald

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 355
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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vintageemerald's page activity

Visits<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 5:40pm<b>Cristian89</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 11:38am<b>BaconCrisp</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 2:13am<b>f36k</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 7:11pm<b>MythsNLegends</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 3:08pm<b>Teen_Facts</b> - the 01/16/2013 at 9:21am<b>miralars</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 10:49pm<b>red_link2</b> - the 01/14/2013 at 10:00pm<b>Vexxem</b> - the 01/14/2013 at 7:05am<b>kisecawchuck</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 11:53pm<b>DudeEvil</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 9:47pm<b>JefftheRipper</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 8:46pm<b>hilow212</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 7:27pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 7:27pm<b>texashater75</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 6:56pm<b>RevengeIsSweet</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 6:11pm<b>Seany_93</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 5:47pm<b>Kohtalo</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 4:52pm

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vintageemerald's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20700) - you deserved it (2910)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

#20119331
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19844) - you deserved it (11223)

On 10/16/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by bargainshopper (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16133) - you deserved it (60952)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room". FML

#20084453
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21767) - you deserved it (1726)

On 09/23/2012 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

#20068907
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23756) - you deserved it (2045)

On 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm - animals - by shadokis (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

#20045566
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29774) - you deserved it (5710)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

#20020512
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19619) - you deserved it (1370)

On 08/14/2012 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

#19993573
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14204) - you deserved it (37535)

On 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

#18671217
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46740) - you deserved it (3237)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

#18641701
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30692) - you deserved it (2686)

On 12/29/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Grossed Out (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

#18255063
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35878) - you deserved it (18851)

On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy (woman) - United States

Today, at my job in the cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like you. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML

#17999888
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30104) - you deserved it (5811) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/16/2011 at 5:08pm - work - by Mayabie - France

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

#17919622
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38827) - you deserved it (10010)

On 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

#17910752
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22633) - you deserved it (7539)

On 10/05/2011 at 11:29am - kids - by Pissed (woman) - Australia



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