vintageemerald

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vintageemerald

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 756
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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vintageemerald's page activity

Visits<b>pickmikk</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 3:23am<b>Caroline1812</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 10:05pm<b>reburkah</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 3:47pm<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 5:40pm<b>Cristian89</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 11:38am<b>BaconCrisp</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 2:13am<b>f36k</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 7:11pm<b>MythsNLegends</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 3:08pm<b>Teen_Facts</b> - the 01/16/2013 at 9:21am<b>miralars</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 10:49pm<b>red_link2</b> - the 01/14/2013 at 10:00pm<b>Vexxem</b> - the 01/14/2013 at 7:05am<b>kisecawchuck</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 11:53pm<b>DudeEvil</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 9:47pm<b>JefftheRipper</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 8:46pm<b>hilow212</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 7:27pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 7:27pm<b>texashater75</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 6:56pm

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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vintageemerald's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

by FlyingFist / 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

by TypeOhNegative / 10/22/2012 at 11:18pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

by bargainshopper / 10/16/2012 at 7:28am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Miscellaneous

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room". FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 12:32am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

by shadokis / 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 12:29am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

by Grossed Out / 12/29/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

by lababy / 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, at my job in the cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like you. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML

by Mayabie / 10/16/2011 at 5:08pm / France / Work

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

by Pissed / 10/05/2011 at 11:29am / Australia / Kids