About victus : Hmmm.. well, I like elephants, am an avid runner, and live a rather boring life. Not much else to say, if you have any questions feel free to ask!
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victus's favorite FMLs
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 4:34pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 6:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML
by FML / 05/15/2012 at 3:02pm / Finland / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm on a trip to Poland with some friends. We came to experience the country's culture, and to challenge our preconceptions about this part of Europe. We had sat on a bench, and not ten seconds later, a stranger approached and asked, "How much for your friend?" FML
by LearnToLive / 05/15/2012 at 11:59am / Holidays
by smh / 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML
by Andy / 05/12/2012 at 10:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
by Class / 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML
by wtf is wrong with my country / 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by catherineratley / 05/06/2012 at 12:09am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 7:44am / United States / Health
by screwedupkid / 05/03/2012 at 1:45pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2012 at 6:41pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health
Today, after putting an ad on Craigslist to sell a coat, I finally got a call. The guy on the phone seemed interested, and was especially curious to know if I could "model" it for him, in "stockings and suspenders." FML
by NotAModel / 04/30/2012 at 11:50am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML
by ouch / 04/28/2012 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML
by Diffy / 04/26/2012 at 7:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for… Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our… Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom…