About victus : Hmmm.. well, I like elephants, am an avid runner, and live a rather boring life. Not much else to say, if you have any questions feel free to ask!
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victus's favorite FMLs
by mdp624 / 08/16/2012 at 8:10am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, I was pitching at a fastpitch softball game. The other team chanted about the ball being too high and almost hitting the batter in the eye. After throwing the next pitch, the ball was savagely returned by the batter, straight into my eyes. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2012 at 12:00pm / United States / Health
Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML
by TJ / 08/08/2012 at 7:23am / United States (Washington) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/07/2012 at 10:49am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
by oops123 / 07/16/2012 at 10:38am / United States / Kids
Today, I bought a home at a bargain. It will need 5 grand in repairs to fix plumbing and electric, but it's mine. When I pulled up the listing to show pictures to my friends, there was a new listing that was in the same neighborhood, and a larger, nicer house that is move in ready. Same price. FML
Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML
by pon-3 / 06/22/2012 at 5:13pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2012 at 10:52am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by notanidiot / 06/20/2012 at 8:46am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I was once again passed over for a promotion. I'm now the assistant to a kid who has failed to meet almost every single responsibility he's been given before. It's my job to make sure he's successful, and if he isn't, I'll lose my job. FML
by wenchfucker / 06/18/2012 at 3:49pm / France (Lorraine) / Miscellaneous
by annonymous / 06/17/2012 at 9:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/17/2012 at 4:50am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Work
Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2012 at 3:03pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
- Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long… Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera.… Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while…