About victus : Hmmm.. well, I like elephants, am an avid runner, and live a rather boring life. Not much else to say, if you have any questions feel free to ask!
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victus's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
by Anonymous / 10/31/2012 at 4:24pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 6:28am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML
by bbbbb / 10/14/2012 at 1:29am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by DCarreon / 10/04/2012 at 3:13am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 8:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by thatwas10yearsago / 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML
by ahappypenguin / 09/26/2012 at 12:07am / Miscellaneous
by jitiizer / 09/19/2012 at 1:02pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Miscellaneous
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer, until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML
by scared to leave the house / 08/20/2012 at 5:14am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
by Lauren / 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…