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viathevoid's favorite FMLs
Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML
by FuckLife / 02/11/2012 at 8:41am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
by rapper in training / 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 5:17pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by KDM / 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML
by coleslaw / 02/03/2012 at 12:25am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
by zobara / 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm / Switzerland / Money
by sorrygrandma / 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by dragonmirado / 01/25/2012 at 1:23am / China / Miscellaneous
Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML
by Benjamin / 01/25/2012 at 12:03am / United States (California) / Work
by talkingtoaretard / 01/25/2012 at 12:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by JellitonOctopus / 01/24/2012 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by sickandtiredofit / 01/24/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by addicted2v / 01/21/2012 at 8:25am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML
by superficialheart / 01/21/2012 at 6:59am / China / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional… Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid… Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a…